Helping kids feel safe after Minneapolis mass shooting

As details of the mass shooting at Annunciation Catholic Church and School in Minneapolis continue to emerge, parents face the difficult task of discussing the event with their children.

One of those parents is James Narr, the father of a kindergartener at Annunciation. Narr’s son was uninjured and wasn’t in Mass when the shooting occurred. Still, Narr worries about the emotional impact on his child.

“He doesn’t really know what’s going on,” Narr said about his son. “I don’t know how to explain this to him going forward or what we are going to be able to do to make him feel safe at church or at school. It’s frightening to think about planting that seed and talking him through it.”

Sarah Jerstad, psychologist and medical director of outpatient mental health services at Children’s Minnesota, spoke with MPR News senior health reporter Erica Zurek about how to help children process and manage their feelings of distress related to school shootings.

This conversation has been edited for length and clarity.

Do you have suggestions for how parents can proactively talk to their children after a tragedy like this?

First of all, hear their story and understand what they have been through. Many kids observe situations like this on TV or hear about them through the news. They often feel significant fear because most kids go to school and think, “This could happen to me.”

Even if a kid has not experienced it directly, many will struggle with going to school and feeling safe.

Give children the space and permission to express their feelings. Parents should share their own feelings too. If parents are feeling sad, scared or upset, it’s important for kids to see that it’s OK to feel this way. Everyone is feeling this way, and that’s normal.

Secondly, parents and adults are a source of comfort and safety for kids. Parents need to remind themselves that they are that source of safety and comfort. They should reassure their children that there are measures in place at their school, that people are there to help, and that they are looking out for them. I think providing comfort about returning to school is important right now.

As the school year begins, many children adapt to a new routine. What insights do you have about the general impact of starting school on kids? How does an event like this school shooting affect them?

Most often, the start of the school year is exciting. Kids are back at school, seeing their friends and talking about their summer. Usually, the beginning of the school year is fun and positive.

Some kids may start the school year feeling anxious and worried about the pressures it might bring. An incident like what happened [Wednesday] is probably going to increase anxiety in kids about feeling safe and comfortable at school.

Sadly, kids have seen this before. This is not the first incident of its kind but having something happen right at the beginning of the school year and in their community makes it feel much closer to home and much scarier.

This event will be something that will be sitting with kids. The last thing anyone wants is to tell them to shut down their feelings and go to school and forget about it. We have to be able to let kids process their feelings, talk about the event and cope with their emotions.

Parents should check in with their children after school and ask questions such as, “How was your day? How are you doing? Does school feel safe?” This will help children get through those first days and get back into their routine.

What signs or symptoms should parents watch for in children who may struggle to return to their routine?

For these first couple of days, some kids may say, “I need to stay home today.” If a pattern emerges, such as a child not wanting to go to school, avoiding schoolwork, isolating themselves, or disengaging from activities they usually enjoy, it suggests a significant change in behavior.

But if something like a school shooting has occurred and kids have been talking about it, these changes may be related to fear. What we know about fear and anxiety is that when we avoid that feared situation for a long time, it can become more difficult to re-enter those situations.

As scary as it might feel to go to school, it is essential for children. Parents need to support them in this process.

How can parents cope with the anxiety of sending their child back to school after a school shooting?

It is understandable for parents to feel very scared. This is a time when parents feel out of control. They recognize in these situations that they cannot always be there to protect their child, which underscores their feelings of being out of control.

Parents need support too. That support may come from their community, friends, mental health professionals or other parents who have children in the same school.

Sometimes a parent thinks that keeping their child at home is the best way to ensure their safety. While this might feel comforting initially, it is not a long-term solution. It’s important to gradually ease back into normal activities and support each other through the process.